Live for those intersections

The journey of our lives is a single line, with many twists and turns, crossing with others' as we interact in our daily lives. Physical proximity with others tends to create more opportunities for our lives to intersect, and we gain insights into each others' lives. We share experiences, create memories together, but still let them inform each of us separately and uniquely. We may share many of these experiences, and still come out different on the other side.

It's only been a week since my sisters flew back to their respective homes, each half the world away. And so our intersections will become fewer. Who knows when our lives will all intersect together again? We each have our own lives, and our own families, and our own futures to chart.

And we are each our own people, with our own perspectives on life. Still, I look forward to the next intersection. For we are still family.

My 40 days later

It's been 40 days since this:

To this day, I still feel tears forming if I think about her, and especially about how her last days unfolded. They say it's a process, and it's clear I'm still going through the steps.

Eventually it'll get better for me, but I'm not sure I want it to.

Hello from The Future! (2022 edition)

This goes out to those on the other side of the world, including my sister. Yes, it's a #dadjoke, but I'm a dad, so it's allowed!

A goal for 2015

It's a simple one: I want to read more, and write more. I've already got a selection of unread books that I bought at the Big Bad Wolf Sale last month, and even some from the previous year. So that first part of my goal should be easy enough to achieve. It's the writing part that worries me some. We'll see how it goes.

Starting the new year with doctors visits

Urgh. What a way to ring in the new year.

This is just a quick update. Last week of December I go for my medical checkup that's required as part of contract renewal. About a week later I get a call from HR saying the blood test came back with some abnormality (elevated liver enzymes), and I have to go in for a follow-up with the radiologist. Just hearing that word kinda freaked me out. First working day of the new year I go back for the liver ultrasound. Good news, and bad news.

Good news - liver seems fine, except - bad news - lesions have been detected. Four of them, with one being particularly large at roughly 7cm. I meet a surgeon, who checks me out, tells me not to worry, then orders a CT scan - just to be sure. So off I go to get a CT scan, and I'll meet the doctor again this Saturday.

Hmm. Hepatatic hemangioma. Most likely benign, the doctor tells me. And, it's quite common.

Ok, I'm off to bed. Tired, and I feel bloated after all the water I've been drinking to flush the radioactive isotopes out.

Changing shampoos

I recently bought a new bottle of shampoo. I’ve been using Himalaya shampoo for several years now. It’s an organic-based product, with many different plant extracts as the main ingredients. I’m not one to experiment too much with personal care products; if I’ve been using something for a long time and it hasn’t been giving me problems, I’ll stick with it. So I was just a little bit confused when Himalaya came out with a new bottle design. I wasn’t sure it was the same product, since previously my shampoo branded itself as a “protein shampoo with conditioner, normal hair”. The new bottle said “protein shampoo, gentle daily care, normal hair”. The shop attendant said it was just a new package design, so I went with it.

Just the other morning, I opened the new bottle as my old bottle had emptied. When I poured out the shampoo, a new colour greeted me: it was brown-black. So I took a closer look at the bottles, and discovered the difference.

The old shampoo listed sandalwood (santalum album) and shikakai (acacia concinna) as the main ingredients, with others being indian paper birch (betula utilis), ushira (vetiveria zizanioides), banyan tree (ficus bengalensis), musk root (nardostachys jatamansi), fenugreek (trigonella foenum-graeceum), soapnut (sapindus mukorossi), common wheat (triticum sativum), and lemon (citrus limon). The bottle tells me that:

Fenugreek is rich in Natural Proteins that nourish the hair roots and prevent hair loss. Musk Root promotes hair growth. Shikakai detangles and softens the hair.

The new shampoo lists licorice (glycyrrhiza glabra) and amla (phyllanthus emblica) as the main ingredients, with others being chebulic myrobalan (terminalia chebula), eclipta (eclipta prostrata), chickpea (cicer arietinum), belleric myrobalan (terminalia bellirica), and henna (lawsonia inermis). This time, the bottle tells me:

Chickpea: Rich source of natural protein.
Amla & Black Myrobalan: Natural hair tonics that strengthen hair roots.
Licorice: Helps promote hair growth.

In other words, nothing to worry about; it’s all just still clever marketing. Organic-based, no animal testing shampoo! (It’s just something to wash your hair with.)

I should be somewhere else

Maybe “should” is too strong a word. Ok then, I “want” to be somewhere else. But life doesn’t always turn out the way we want it to. Usually something gets in the way. A “commitment” of some kind, whether time, or money, or attention, or some combination. We all have them. Our jobs; doctor’s appointments; class schedules; mortgage payments; project meetings; and the list goes on.

So I’m sitting here wishing all these commitments could take a break, when it hits me. I get it. I know why parents always want to “spoil” their children. Forget making them happy and seeing their smiles. Forget giving them a better future or more fulfilling life. It’s about living vicariously.

When else are you unburdened by commitments that hamper your free spirit? Only as a child do you have the freedom to go through your days without a worry in the world. Before there are timesheets, before there are examinations, before there are roll calls, before there are campuses to cross, before there are teachers, before there are homework assignments, before all that - there is exploration of your world. There is you - and there is the world. There are paintbrushes and colouring books, fields to jump in and slides to go down, butterflies to chase and gardens to water, toys to play with and the boxes that substitute - all there for exploration without concern for anything but that it’s there.

So if you want to eat something specific - fries, or ice-cream, or sliced apples - it’s there. If you want to go to a mall - someone will take you. If you want to go to a park - someone will take you.

And that’s what parents should do. Take care of the commitments. It’s what you do as an adult. Protect your child from the disappointments of life. They’ll come in soon enough, those disappointments. Can’t stop that; no way to avoid it. And when those commitments get you down, live vicariously.

Take care of the commitments so someone else gets what they want and gets to live life.

Five years later ...

It’s been five years since I decided to (finally) start a blog. My original inspiration was A’isyah, and today she turned five. It seems a lifetime away, and in many respects, it was. I have nothing against how my life has changed from then. But no matter what, A’isyah plays a big part in my life.

When I started blogging, I never intended to exhaustively chronicle my life, or my parenting, or A’isyah’s growing up. As a matter of fact, looking back at my blog - which really won’t take that much time - I’ve touched on a wide range of topics. There have been times when I blogged frequently, and even liveblogged while watching TV.

In all, I’ve delivered a little bit of everything, and nothing, just as I promised. :-) Here’s looking forward to the next five years! And other things to celebrate!

The shadow of the father

My sis sent me an sms earlier: "Dad’s on Wikipedia!" (Bored much? Hehe. Can I get my laptop back?) Soon after, there’s a short clip on TV about today in history. 10 years ago today, TiungSAT-1, Malaysia’s first microsatellite, was launched from Kazakhstan. And my dad’s picture flashed on screen. The timing of the sms and the "today in history" clip is coincidental; the Wikipedia entry is not a personal page, but just a list.

Still, it gives me pause. Nothing too mindblowing. I’ve thought about this before. It may not be a very big shadow, but there’s still a shadow cast by my father. Nothing I need to really crawl out of though. We don’t have that much in common, and I don’t operate in the same circle.

I wonder what others think though.

Holiday season’s over

The three week holiday season is coming to a close. First we celebrated Hari Merdeka on 31 August (although I came into the office to work on my tender exercise). Then we celebrated Hari Raya Aidilfitri on 10 and 13 September (good break). And finally we celebrated Hari Malaysia on 16 September (our first Malaysia Day celebration, although I spent it starting to get sick). This is the last weekend of the two week school holidays also, so A’isyah will be going back to school tomorrow. KL will come alive again, and the traffic will start snarling.

A Father’s Day gift from A’isyah

Yesterday morning A’isyah came to me with a (late) Father’s Day gift. I didn’t get the chance to spend the day with her this weekend, but this made up for it. She gave me a card:

a cake (had some of the cake with A’isyah this morning):

and a photo-frame, with a picture of us.

After a bit of hunting down, I managed to date the picture. It was taken on 26 October 2006, just after A’isyah’s first birthday. We had stopped by at Cameron Highlands on the way back to KL from Ipoh. This was about six weeks before moving to Dubai.

The full-sized picture is here.  (My, I was rounder back then.)

Comparing last weekend and this weekend

Last weekend actually started on Friday, since we got the day off as a replacement for Labour Day falling on Saturday. A couple of noteworthy events from that day, including, catching a movie at the Premiere Class at GSC Signature Gardens for the first time. Interesting layout; very well-suited to those watching movies in even-numbered groups, e.g. in twos. ;-) I watched Iron Man 2 alone though. Yes, I caught Iron Man 2 on the first day. Yay me! After the movie I went to meet up with some friends for dinner. They took me to a part of town I’d never been to before: Taman Mayang Jaya. Yeah, I don’t get out much. :-P

And that’s when things took a turn for the worse. Oh, the outing itself was fun. I had a great time with my friends, and the food was alright, although a bit on the pricey side. The problem was that it was a street stall, and I’m not really accustomed to those types of eateries. So the next day was rough for me. Specifically, for my stomach. Urgh.

This Saturday, then, tops last Saturday. No question of that. Instead of staying in and just trying to keep it together, I had a good day out, bowling at Ampang Point (no, Chong, not Ampang Park! Hehe) with KERIS, the office’s social club. Doesn’t matter that I didn’t bowl well. I make no pretense at being any good at any sport. It was still fun, even with my over-eager Project Director in the next lane.

A stop at MPH, MidValley later in the day to grab a copy of Stuff and PC Gamer, and I’ve got some reading material. (Reminder to self: keep the receipts for next year’s tax rebates!)

Definitely a better weekend compared to last weekend. I get to get out of the house, and even enjoy an Extreme Mocha from San Francisco Coffee. Now I just gotta catch up with my Creakos assignment. Hehe. (There’s a story in there for another blog post.)

Hope others are also having a good weekend, wherever you are!

This is why I don’t play sports

My mind, eternally youthful, seems to believe my body is 16 years old. My body, being at least twice that age, refuses to play along. My mind, able to imagine fantastical feats of physical prowess, is convinced what it can imagine, my body can achieve. My body, woefully untested in actual physical exertions, can barely keep up.

And so what happens when someone tackles me in a friendly game of futsal is not a graceful recovery, turn-around, and artful dribbling. Rather, the result is a tumble totally lacking in grace, and a scrape on the knee from the artificial turf.

*sigh*

All in good fun, of course.

At least I came away with a “door gift” just for showing up and participating in the club’s first sports activity of the year. I wonder how many such mugs I have. I wonder where they all are. Hehe.

Home before the Sun is down

This is a rarity. As a matter of fact, I can count on one hand the times this year that I’ve made it home before the sun has gone down. That would be ever since I started at this new job. At my previous workplace, it was rare that I left the office when it was dark. This is more like back when I was in Dubai. At least I still get weekends though.

It felt a bit strange stepping out of the office and crossing the road to go home, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. And the LRT was actually crowded. It’s not necessarily the holiday mood (school holidays just started), but that may have played a factor. The past few weeks my team has been really busy, and we’re coming into the home stretch now. Today was a bit of a slow day at the office, and we’re now just waiting for others in the process flow. So I took advantage of that to come home early.

Which reminds me, Amazing Race is on tonight... :-)

State of personal gaming – Feb 2010

I’ve got an RTS/Action itch that I just can’t scratch. I’m getting some light action with Diablo 2 (re-installed a ramp-up of Diablo 3 hype), but most of my gaming needs are taken care of on Facebook at the moment. Facebook has always been an app-centric platform, which – to me – was what really differentiated it from the likes of Friendster.

So this is what I’m playing right now:

Castle Age

(Level 189)

This has taken over my Utopia inclinations. Game with a fantasy setting, building an army through collecting units and items, but with the option to play completely cooperatively. I think the best change they made to the game was introducing Monsters to fight. It’s a much more social game as a result. In fact, I’ve added close to 400 “friends” to FB just to become more effective at CA. It’s about having enough people looking for Elite Guards, and having enough people to answer your Monster CTA’s.

I’m spending the most time on this game, and having the most fun with it too.

FishVille

(Level 33)

This one’s just as a stress reliever. It’s nice to have a few tanks of imaginary fish you can’t really kill through neglect. And cleaning the tanks is such a breeze. Hehe.

Country Story

(Level 30)

This is my CS. Not Counter Strike. Country Story. I’ve never really been a fan of shooters anyway. The only shooter I ever got into was Halo.

Restaurant City

(Level 32)

This is the first “game” that I really took seriously. Before RC were games such as Scrabble, or Boggle, or whatever the FB apps are now called (copyrights, people).

I still like it for the interior decorating aspect.

Crazy Planets

(Level 11)

A’isyah made me join this. One day we were gardening in CS when she noticed this button on the side. That’s good advertising. It attracted her attention, and she asked, “Can we play this?” So off I went to add the app, and we were playing soon after. A’isyah’s the one playing this; I help out once in a while only.


Outside of Facebook, all I’m playing is:

Diablo 2 (Asia Realms)

I’ve got three chars on the Realms right now. I’ve also got some old single player chars that I play when the Realm connection sucks (which still happens).

Level 39 Paladin – built as an Avenger, and doing some leveling before taking on Baal.
Level 12 Amazon – trying out a Javazon, still in Act 1.
Level 9 Necromancer – not sure what build, still in Act 1.


And that’s it. I haven’t been following game news for a while now. All I know is I’ll be there for Diablo 3. Before that? Not sure yet.

Divorce statistics in Malaysia

It’s an oft-cited “statistic” (at least in Western countries): 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. It’s a result of the weakening of the “traditional” family unit. People are more casual about their romantic relationships, which leads to lack of commitment to see through a lasting marriage.

How true is it though? Or more appropriately, does it apply to Malaysia?

Divorce as a topic has been in the news in the past few weeks. We have read about a growing concern about the local divorce rate. We discovered that one of the state governments has a small but successful program to sponsor a second honeymoon for couples thinking of heading to divorce. Based on the success of that program, they were considering expanding the program. Then we heard of another proposal for enrolling husbands in some sort of grooming course to better their appeal to their wives.

Strange and fantastic news indeed. So what feeds this fear on divorce rates? Is there some basis for this fear? Just how bad a beating is the institution of marriage suffering in Malaysia?

To do my research, I didn’t go for a primary source, such as the National Registration Department and/or Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia (JAKIM), although my source did rely on those two sources. After searching online, I found a paper researched by Samuel Chan Hsin Chien and Mohamed Sarif Mustaffa, for the Faculty of Education, University Technology Malaysia, Johor. The paper’s main purpose was to discover the situation of divorce in Malaysia.

From the two primary sources mentioned above, the authors of the research paper have obtained statistics on registered marriages and divorces amongst Muslims (from JAKIM) and Non-Muslims (from NRD) for the years 2000 to 2005, with a breakdown by state. The authors reached two conclusions from the data gathered.

First, although the divorce rate has grown moderately over the five year period from 9.88% to 12.83%, this is still small compared to some developed countries such as the US (51%, 1998), Australia (49%, 1996), Canada (48%, 1995), and Germany (44%, 1997). I don’t know the source of their statistics for those countries, but it does fit the standard notion that 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. Unfortunately, those are also old statistics, so the situation may have changed now. No matter. It’s not the direction I’ll be looking at.

The second conclusion the authors reached is that the divorce rate amongst the Muslims is keeping proportionate to the increasing number of marriages, but the situation is not the same with the Non-Muslims. With the Non-Muslims, the number of marriages actually declined, while the number of divorces doubled. This led to an increasing divorce rate amongst the Non-Muslims, from 2.63% to 7.19%. Whether this is a trend that continued beyond 2005 and still continues today might be worth examining in detail. Nevertheless, the divorce rate amongst the Muslims is still significantly higher, increasing from 14.71% to 15.51%.


Playing around with the data, I came up with a graph comparing the split between Muslim/Non-Muslim marriages and divorces. It’s instructive to note that demographically, the ratio in the population is roughly 60%/40% Muslim/Non-Muslim. Looking back at the graph, it appears that a larger portion of Malaysia’s Muslim population is getting married as compared to the Non-Muslim population. Still, more than 80% of the divorces in the country were between Muslim couples. Although the gap between share of marriages and share of divorces is shrinking, that’s still about 15 points higher than the ratio of marriages between Muslims and Non-Muslims.


An interesting side story arises once we examine the data breakdown by state. Considering the average rate of divorce over the years examined, we discover that the top three worst states in descending order are Selangor, KL, and Penang, all with an average divorce rate above 15%. The three best states in ascending order are Sabah, Kedah, and Johor, incidentally the only states together with Sarawak and Negeri Sembilan with divorce rates below the national average of 11.55%. So Sabahans have the best marriages, and Selangorites have the worst? I’m not going to touch that topic with a ten foot pole.

So what do the authors make of this state of affairs? What are the major drivers of divorce in Malaysia? Unfortunately, the paper does not delve into this issue, but instead cites “numerous foreign literatures” (sic) as stating that the top three factors that influence divorce are “1) infidelity, 2) no longer in love, and 3) emotional problems.” It’s very likely that those factors are inter-related, and possibly so with other factors as well.

Are these the main factors that play a role in the Malaysian context? I don’t know. I have not located any research that studies this. But if they do, does that mean those state programs we read about recently are on the right track?

I should take this opportunity to note that I, too, am now a statistic. I join the ranks of the many faceless ones people always hear about. Those supposed sad cases, or scandals. Now I know, there is nothing to be either proud or ashamed about. It just is. Adjustments are made. Life goes on. And no, I’m not interested in participating in a survey. Not now at least.

NaNoWriMo 2009 will have to take a pass

I had wanted to make time for NaNoWriMo this year, but other issues have taken on a greater urgency. I am now working more fervently on a non-fiction piece entitled “Curriculum Vitae”, as well as an accompanying fiction piece with a working title of “Handover Notes”. The fiction piece promises to be epic. :-)

North-South traffic over the Aidilfitri weekend

Even with the government declaring last Friday a school holiday in the hopes that people would stagger their exodus from urban centres in general – and KL specifically – traffic on the highways was still terrible over the weekend. Due to work, I only left KL with my family on Friday evening. We were headed up north to Ipoh, which usually takes just over two hours on the North-South Expressway. We made it on the highway just before midnight on Friday, and immediately we realized it was going to be a long night. There were many cars on the roads, and every rest area was full, with long lines leading into and out of them. We didn’t notice any accidents, which was a good thing.

A good four hours plus later, we pulled into the driveway of my grandmother’s house in Ipoh. I collapsed on the couch after arriving, awakening soon after for sahur.

The return trip on Tuesday morning was much easier by comparison. Traffic was standard, so we made it back in normal time. I guess people haven’t started returning to KL yet, which explains why it was so easy getting parking this morning.

Post-Raya in KL

It’s the middle of the week, and the day after two days of public holiday, but life hasn’t really returned to normal yet in KL. No surprise really. I’m sure lots of people extended their leave. I know a few people at the office did. I don’t mind the slower pace. It was even easy to find parking this morning on normally-packed-by-0900 Jalan Riong, beside the NST office.

Who still sends Hari Raya cards?

I have received one greeting card this year, and that’s a standard issue card that KLCC Property Holdings Bhd provides to all its directors. One such director then gave cards out to all the Muslims at our office.

The last time I gave out cards was 5 or 6 years ago. Actually went out to buy some cards, and then addressed them to a small group of close friends. I actually remember one year getting cards, addressing them, and then forgetting to deliver them! Not all, but some. That was probably the catalyst that got me to join the crowd with SMS greetings instead. They were instant, you could be sure the recipient got them in time, and it was easy to make sure you sent a greeting to everyone. I’ve always found ASCII art captivating, the way simple, repetitive icons can combine to paint a picture. I sometimes re-sent some of the more interesting SMS’ that I received.

The advent of social networking gives us the latest iteration in the evolution of the Hari Raya greeting. You have a few options. You could tweet a greeting to all your followers; or set a new Facebook status message; or for something more flashy, post a picture of a greeting card and tag all your friends. Heck, with this last method you could even segregate your greetings. One picture per group of friends!

I’ll admit that this year, as usual, I don’t have any cards to give out. It’s not that I don’t care; I have a much smaller circle now anyway. But I’m afraid of being thought gauche for sending out SMS greetings, although that would still reach (slightly) more people than an FB status greeting.

I’ll settle for a multi-pronged approach. To those who really matter, you’ll hear it from my lips. To others, you’ll read my words. The thought remains the same. May Allah accept your honest fast. Eid Mubarak! Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

And drive safely on the roads.